Are You Stuck?
... Be Transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2)
ABOUT ME
Hi. I'm John Stamper. I'm a beloved child of God, husband, father, recovery coach, and writer. I have a passion for guiding men toward radical freedom from unwanted sexual behaviors and helping couples build safety, trust and intimacy after betrayal.
My goal is to help men and couples rewire their addicted brains, heal their wounded hearts, connect intimately with God, and build healthy relationships.
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I do this work because I have experienced the radical freedom and true intimacy I once thought was impossible in my own life, and I want the same to be true for other suffering sex addicts and their betrayed spouses. I praise "the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
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I've also completed a variety of rigorous trainings:
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I'm a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) credentialed by the International Coaching Federation, the gold standard in coaching certification.
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I'm a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP) certified by the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP).
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I've completed Internal Family Systems (IFS) Level 1 and Level 2 trainings. IFS is an evidence-based approach that helps people heal and move forward from past trauma. It has helped many clients overcome the shame of sexual addiction and heal the emotional wounding that often fuels their sexually compulsive behavior.
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I've completed basic training (72 hours) in Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO), a powerful, non-pathologizing approach to couples work that draws primarily from the IFS model. I use this method to help couples communicate well, repair ruptures, make room for the needs of each other, and explore authentic, heartfelt connection.
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I have more than 1,000 hours of coaching experience. I've helped guide more than 50 men through the full disclosure process. And I'm a certified leader of premium online groups for The Freedom Fight.
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My prayer is that you will join me in holding tight to the words of the Apostle Paul in Galatians 5:1: "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."​
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It's time to get radical in the pursuit of freedom! I'd love to help.
John Stamper
Who you choose to help you find freedom is no small choice. You need to find someone who knows what they're talking about and who is trustworthy. You can trust John. He will help you and will faithfully walk with you through this critically important season.
---- Josh Kalsbeek, Psychotherapist, Co-Founder of rTribe
What People Say
Ken Brink, Lay Counselor
Radical freedom is available and John can help you find it! If you feel stuck and want to overcome your unwanted sexual behavior, John knows what works. When I was struggling, he provided me invaluable, practical insights learned from personal experience. If you are looking for help identifying and effectively addressing the root causes of what holds you back from living the life you were created to live, John will provide the coaching that you need. I highly recommend him.
Brian Bolton, Pastor
I've known John and his family for more than 15 years as his pastor. He's been a faithful servant and active church member. I've seen John draw close to God, trust God, and face the dark spots of his heart. I've been blessed by his wisdom, grace, and friendship. John is so much more than a church member. He's a child of God and my friend.
Take your first step
A great place to start your journey toward freedom from unwanted sexual behavior is with a complimentary coaching call with John. You can experience a confidential coaching session with no risk, no commitment, and no sleazy hard sell.
We'll start with a 50-minute coaching session focused on your long-term goals. I'll also explain the coaching process and how I help people, and answer any questions you might have. Why not schedule a free appointment today?
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You can learn more below about the services I offer, or find answers to many frequently asked questions on my FAQ page.
Need financial assistance? To apply for reduced-cost coaching, please click here. Freedom awaits!
The 4 foundations of freedom
If you've ever confessed sexual sin to a pastor and asked for help, it's likely you were told to ask God for the strength to stop your unwanted sexual behavior, sign up for an internet monitoring service, and get an accountability partner. These are all good things, and they're often necessary for recovery from an addiction to pornography or sex. But ... they're not enough. Many men have prayed earnestly for freedom, dutifully subscribed to Covenant Eyes, and asked a friend to help keep them honest, only to find themselves slipping back into old addictive patterns a few weeks, months, or years later.
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So what's the problem? Well, this approach is missing some key ingredients. Managing lust by locking down your phone is not a long-term solution. Likewise, prayer without a total surrender of the heart is insufficient. So is an accountability group that provides a place to confess your struggles without challenging you to make heart-level changes. Instead, a holistic approach to recovery is required to find radical freedom.
Your ability to outgrow pornography and other unwanted sexual behaviors will hinge on your passion for building a new life based on these four foundations: physical freedom, emotional freedom, spiritual freedom, and relational freedom.
This isn't a journey for the faint of heart. Freedom requires hard work and total commitment. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous explains it this way: “Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.” Are you ready to surrender your pride and your selfishness with complete abandon, replacing them with humility, honesty, and selflessness? If so, let's examine the solid foundation on which you can build a life of radical freedom.
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Physical Freedom
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The first step toward freedom is to understand that your brain is probably addicted to your unwanted sexual behavior. Simply deciding to stop acting out isn't enough because the pharmacy in your head is very potent. "When a man regularly uses porn, he builds a strong neurological pathway so that his brain can go down that path almost automatically," explains Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional Ted Shimer in The Freedom Fight. "Porn is a drug that chemically alters the brain." This is why you keep acting out sexually even though it violates your values.
Here's the good news: your brain can be reprogrammed! The concept is called neuroplasticity, which means the neural networks in your brain can change over time as you learn new behaviors. In order to renew your mind, the old neural pathways that lead you to unwanted sexual addiction must be replaced with new pathways and new habits. I'll coach you through the process of identifying the triggers that push your brain toward acting out and establishing effective boundaries to help keep you healthy. You'll also learn some highly practical tools to resist temptation and rewire your brain circuitry.
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Emotional Freedom
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Dealing with your brain problem is a necessary first step, but it's not enough for long-term freedom. We must move beyond lust management and become curious about our own stories, asking ourselves how we learned to rely on unwanted sexual behavior to numb our pain. If you're like most guys, your answer to that question is something like "I've just always been that way."
Here's the truth: your unwanted sexual behavior is not random. You're drawn to specific types of pornography, specific sexual acts, and specific types of people based on your past experiences. As therapist Jay Stringer says in his book Unwanted, "The formative experiences of our childhood (loneliness, pain, sexual arousal, secrecy, and relational ambivalence) are all being repeated in our unwanted sexual behavior as adults." In other words, you have to dig deeper into the emotional pain of your past if you want to find radical freedom today. I'll show you how.
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Spiritual Freedom
Ultimately, the only lasting solution to any addiction is a spiritual solution. Alcoholics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, and all other 12-step groups are built on the fundamental truth that surrendering to God is the only path to freedom. Instead of using pornography and sex to medicate your emotional pain, I'll help you learn how to process your feelings in an intimate relationship with our loving Heavenly Father. His supernatural help will be needed to overcome your unwanted sexual behavior.
Even the Apostle Paul confessed in Romans 7:18 that "I want to do what is right, but I can't." The solution, Paul wrote, is Jesus. "Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 7:24-25)
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Relational Freedom
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In a 2015 TED Talk that has been watched more than 16 million times, journalist Johann Hari reviews the latest scientific research about the causes of addiction and famously concludes that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it's connection. Addiction thrives in isolation and dies in genuine community. Think about it. We all long to be fully known and fully loved, but sometimes, when life and people disappoint us, we find it easier to connect with pornographic images or random sex workers than to risk rejection from our peers and families. Before long, we're smothering in shame and telling ourselves the lie that "if anyone really knew me, they would reject me."
That's why so many men try so hard to overcome unwanted sexual behavior all on their own, but everyone fails miserably until they finally ask someone for help. It's non-negotiable. You must process your addiction with others in order to find freedom.
It's hard work, but I can help you build safe and healthy relationships with people who know what you've done and still choose to love you. I'd be honored to help you take that first step out of isolation and toward the radical freedom of connection.
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